Animals :)

Friday, April 11, 2008

love season

Walao lik terus after holidays so many hook ups oledi,is there a love bug in the air or wat? i dono coz i din catch it haha so no hook ups for me hehe,bein single is great *every1 must b thinkin im lying right nw but seriously im nt,wats wrong wif bein single nw?*

So anyway after this wind blows off here is a list bout break ups from a document i received actually,from a friend,u know who u r :) hehe thnx for sending this so anyway here it is.....

note that this is from a male perspective, so i will be saying "her" a lot. please don't mistake this for being male only, it goes both ways. anyways, on with the guide.

The initial breakup
there isn't a whole lot we can say here, for whatever reason, you've dumped your lady, or your lady has dumped you, or maybe you reached a mutual agreement that the relationship is over. what's important to note is how you take it when it happens. should you be the one getting dumped, don't throw a fit. don't argue with her decision, because when a girl has it in her mind to end the relationship, and actually brings it up to you, then she's going to go through with it no matter what you say or do. not to mention, if she doesn't want to be with you, then there is NO point in you staying. fuck her, right?

this is the time when it's important not to do or say anything crazy. the best way to deal with her or him is to just say "Ok", and be done with it. i feel it is always important to let them know how you feel, if possible. don't grovel at their feet, but rather just tell them how you feel. this is not for them, this is for you. you want everything to be on the table right now, because you are never going to speak to them again in this manner, and you do not want it eating at you for the next few weeks, those little things that you wished you would have said. sometimes i feel the best way to do this is a nice note or email, since they can't interrupt you and will undoubtedly read it. make sure at the end you say goodbye, and mean it.

The sever
are you ready to do this? of course you're not, but it doesn't fucking matter, because you have to. i hope you made your point to him/her before now, because you're not going to get a chance to anymore.

don't think that you can do this halfass, or continue talking to them every now and then, or just be friends. we have all been through this and this is the best possible way, so don't argue it. just do it :nike:

first things first, round up all the pictures of you and her, round up all the notes, the cards, the gifts that you don't need, and store them. it doesn't matter where you store them, as long as they are in a place where you wont just stumble upon them one day. you're not going to remember who your ex is in two weeks, so you don't want to accidently look at a picture of you and her at some special moment in time and start crying. don't burn them or destroy them either, one day they will mean a lot to you, so keep them.

next, delete their numbers from your phone. write them on a piece of paper and put them away with your other things that you've stored. you don't want to remember the number, but you have it for the future incase you need it someday. cease contact with your ex's friends, all of them. if they are true, honest, mutual friends, then that is seriously thin ice. don't fret too much, you will probably lose your mutual friends, they will invariably take one side or the other, and it will rarely be in your favor. if you have to, explain to them why you wont be talking to them for a while, it's for your recovery.

lastly, internet things. block her names on all of your messengers, delete them out of your buddy lists, and don't ever look back. forget their friendster account, don't ever look at any of their profiles. these are landmines that will take your goddamn legs out from under you, so careful preparation here is key.

make sure NOTHING here is left, you want it to be a clean break, a clean sever. by this point he/she will be out of your life completely. i've found it helps to refuse to say her name, and make sure your friends and family know to call her your ex. "Dewi"(made up name) was your beautiful and wonderful girlfriend. your "ex" is the bitch that you are going to forget. the word "ex" wont bring up as much pain and memories as the person's actual name, believe me, this works.

Starting the process of recovery
did you get your sobs in? you should have done that while you were severing. the time it takes you to sever completely is the only time you should give yourself to the pain. after that, put it out of your mind by ANY means necessary. you have to forget about this person because as they are no longer in your life, they are no longer important. you really shouldn't think about someone who doesn't exist, should you?

don't listen to anybody when they tell you not to forget, but to "learn" from it. you can learn in the future, when you can think about your ex without giving one shit about them.

try to do your best not to think at all about your ex. do NOT go over scenarios, plans to get back with them, or anything of that nature. do NOT think about what you did wrong, what they did wrong. none of that is important.

Learning to focus on yourself
you are no longer a couple. you will no longer think as a couple. you have to focus on yourself, and what makes you happy. i find it best to think of all the things you can do to become a better person, and make a nice long list. work on every item on the list until you've finished each one. i guarantee when you have finished the list, you will have moved on.

do what makes YOU happy. feel free to indulge. buy yourself useless shit that you don't need but makes you incredibly happy. buy computer games, buy extravagent food, buy new clothes that make you look good.

next work on your self image. if you are overweight, FIX IT. go out and exercise, eat healthy, become comfortable with yourself. you can't be happy with yourself if you pig out every night on junk food, as good as it tastes, you'll only hate yourself afterwards. and the neat thing is, exercising will always make you feel good. on top of that, it will make you feel good about yourself. and in the end when it comes time to start dating again, you'll be back down to your fighting weight, which you had let go to shit when you became comfortable with your ex, fatty.

Keeping yourself busy
find yourself a good hobby if you don't already have one. make sure it isn't a monotonous hobby either. you want something that passes the time, and you also want something that requires your FULL concentration, you don't want your mind to wander. some fun ideas are:

* Working on cars (if that's your thing)
* Exercising/Working out
* Computer games/programming
* Musical instruments
* COOKING!

a lot of these things will also extend your social circle. this is another important thing to do, you want as many friends as you can have, and you want to be out with them as much as possible. do not become a hermit. you need to be around people as much as humanly possible. make friends everywhere, and talk to them all the time. don't ever talk or whine about your ex, people get sick of that shit very quickly. oh and why WOULD you talk about your ex, you're not even supposed to be thinking about her, remember?

The most important thing
there is one thing in all of this that is the absolute most important. you have to be happy with yourself, meaning, you have to be able to make yourself happy when you are single. it will take a long time for you to accomplish this, but you do NOT need to feel like you have to be with someone to make you happy. in fact, i'm going to say this, you are not allowed to settle down ever again until you are 100% happy being single. to the point where you don't give a shit if you ever met somebody again. this takes A LOT, so don't expect it to come right away. but eventually it will.

Something for you to try
do you really want to be happy? do you really want to be over this girl or guy? here's what you need to do. ignore your heart and your emotions. for the next few months, operate by your brain's capacity ONLY. your brain is capable of logic, your emotions aren't. don't follow your heart, that's bullshit that will just get you hurt again. trust me, it is a lot harder at times to listen to logic and go by every bit of it, it hurts quite a bit. But do it, and stay at it, and you will become a better person for it. In a lot of cases, this means being a complete emotional hardass at times. to clear this up a bit, I will give you an example problem:

your cell phone rings. the number shown (not name you fucking fool, you better have deleted it already), is your ex's. what do you do?

in this case, your heart leaps and tells you "PICK IT UP". you pick up the phone, and your heart is racing, because your ex wants you back, right? 20% chance, MAYBE. most likely you have something of hers she wants back, she's found a new guy and wants to rub it in, or she just wants you to sob about how you miss her and stroke her ego. oh and if you do happen to get back together, she'll just cheat on you and fuck you over, if it didn't work the first time, it's not going to work the second, sorry pal.

but while the phone is ringing, logic tells you to not pick it up. this will be one the hardest things you can do. walk away from the phone. it's going to sting like hell. come back later, delete the voice message, don't listen to it. don't look at any of the texts. you will feel like utter shit, and it will hurt. this is called listening to logic. in the end you will be a lot better for it. things like this can send you into a relapse and you can lose valuable time that you've spent recovering.

Have you moved on?
give yourself 4-6 months before asking yourself this. it takes a long time to completely move on. if your ex came and threw herself at you, would you take her back? and be 100% honest. If the answer is yes, then you haven't moved on. if you can't say no without a single second of hesitation and MEAN IT, then you haven't moved on.

you've moved on when you are completely happy being single, and you don't even give a shit about your ex anymore. at this point, ask yourself what you really want. if you'd like to start dating again, go right ahead! the world is your oyster, you've made it through, so pat yourself on the back.

so that concludes the guide. i'm not very good at organization, so if you guys want to give me any tips on how to make this look/flow better, please do. also please add any tips or suggestions you feel appropriate. we want to have a very good source on how to get over a breakup.

one last thing, take everything i've said here with a grain of salt, at any rate. thanks guys

So there it is,the break up document,sorry if u think this is a curse or watever but hey just putting it up nw so u guys/girls know wat to do if the time comes :P